I’d Like Your Product If Only I Could Open It

Another day, another cut finger and another $#@!&* after trying to open yet another adult-proof package.

This time, it was a container of vegetable shortening. Really. Harmless plastic container to look at, but the lid was almost lethal to one of my fingers. It took a knife and a pair of pliers to destroy the lock mechanism and pry off the top.Who gets paid the money to sit around and come up with these things? I want that job. The Consumer Product Safety Commission spends a lot of time and money worrying about toys and child safety, which they should do. But how about adults and the packaging we have to deal with daily? The cardboard-plastic combination covers on multi-packs of everything are bad enough. You need a bolt cutter and a blow torch for those. But the break-and-pull tabs on many food products neither break nor pull easily. The number of times I’ve hurt myself getting into a package forced me to stock a ready shelf of bandages and ointment. I’ve been wounded, gouged, and sliced deep enough to probably get a few stitches (fortunately, I don’t bleed long). I’ve “succeeded” in opening bags, only to have the contents fly onto the floor because my use of necessary force exceeded the bag’s capacity to endure it. And yes, I have given up and either tossed out products or returned them, figuring out it was a higher power’s desire that I do so, rather than continue fighting.

I know manufacturers are trying to keep us safe from contaminants and evil people who would introduce harmful stuff into what we eat, drink and use. But have a little mercy on the unfortunate who do not have the youthful dexterity (or the garage-worthy tool arsenal) to punch our way into your package. We’d try more and buy more, if only we could open more.